Alone

Can someone please give me a hug? It's been ages since someone... anyone... has given me a hug.

Whatever.

Even a half-hearted hug will do.

Pleeeaaaaasssseeeeeee.

Empty.

Emotionally empty.

My thoughts don't matter no more. My opinions don't count no more.

Invisible.

Unloved.

But He's there. Right?

Unconditional.

I get so exhausted trying to make everyone happy that I forget about my own happiness. Enough of all the acting and pretending.

I'll just cry and cry and cry these silent tears until I start to laugh at myself.

Yeah,

I know.

Sounds loopy.

Maybe I am.

33.

wtf have I been doing all my life? I am at a junction in my life where I just don't know where I am heading. Or where I have been.

So many things unachieved. So many dreams not realised.

So sad.

So freaking sad.

So please.

I need a hug. And someone... anyone... telling me that it will be ok tomoro.

Even tho it's one big fucking lie.


Cynically Depressed

I'm full of emptiness
Relaxing with my stress
Don't try to clean my mess
I'm happier this way

I live for my demise
I love who I despise
Feed me a soothing lie
I'm happier that way

When I die
Will I feel darkness in the light
Will I see beauty when I'm blind
I don't have energy for rest
Because I'm cynically depressed

I never thought living clean
Would keep me so lonely
Cure my healthy disease
I'm happier this way

I'm climbing up your walls
So you can watch me fall
I'll never know it all
I'm happier that way

When I die
Will I feel darkness in the light
Will I see beauty when I'm blind
I don't have energy for rest

Because I'm cynically depressed
My youth is dying of apathy and old age
Under my skin is a child running away

When I die
Will I feel darkness in the light
Will I see beauty when I'm blind
I don't have energy for rest
Because I'm cynically depressed