Wednesday, 11 June 2008

Mess De Royale

I am a total wreck. I can't seem to think straight anymore. I need to think twice, thrice, or even more before making a decision. Or any decision, for that matter.

This emotional slump is really hitting me hard. No amount of acting or role playing can hide the fact that it’s eating me inside. And leaving just a hollow shell for all the world to see.

I’m spent. My batteries are nearing their expiry dates. All I want to do is just sit in a corner, cry, and eventually die. I just feel neglected. Ignored. By those I thought cared for me.

I just want to call it quits. Pack my bags. Explore the world. See what it has to offer. The grass is always greener on the other side, they say. But you won’t know how green it is until you see it, won’t you?

Scratches of ink on a piece of paper. Maybe, thinking back, it was done in haste. Yes I wanted it, but don’t all people at one point in their lives? I should have followed my gut instincts. I let the sugared dreams cloud my judgments.

Ah, the folly of trying to fit in. The foolishness of doing what is expected.

Sheesh.

This burden, this weight… it’s too heavy to be carried alone. But if it has to be done, it has to be done.

Whatever I tried, it seems to backfire. Nothing I do is right. It has been one left turn after another.

Will the next decision I make be the one to finally break this vicious cycle?

Enough, snap out of it, pessimistic prick. Still got a pulse. Be thankful.

Just to break the black mood… watch this clip. I never thought I could laugh so hard.

Thursday, 5 June 2008

Alone

Can someone please give me a hug? It's been ages since someone... anyone... has given me a hug.

Whatever.

Even a half-hearted hug will do.

Pleeeaaaaasssseeeeeee.

Empty.

Emotionally empty.

My thoughts don't matter no more. My opinions don't count no more.

Invisible.

Unloved.

But He's there. Right?

Unconditional.

I get so exhausted trying to make everyone happy that I forget about my own happiness. Enough of all the acting and pretending.

I'll just cry and cry and cry these silent tears until I start to laugh at myself.

Yeah,

I know.

Sounds loopy.

Maybe I am.

33.

wtf have I been doing all my life? I am at a junction in my life where I just don't know where I am heading. Or where I have been.

So many things unachieved. So many dreams not realised.

So sad.

So freaking sad.

So please.

I need a hug. And someone... anyone... telling me that it will be ok tomoro.

Even tho it's one big fucking lie.


Cynically Depressed

I'm full of emptiness
Relaxing with my stress
Don't try to clean my mess
I'm happier this way

I live for my demise
I love who I despise
Feed me a soothing lie
I'm happier that way

When I die
Will I feel darkness in the light
Will I see beauty when I'm blind
I don't have energy for rest
Because I'm cynically depressed

I never thought living clean
Would keep me so lonely
Cure my healthy disease
I'm happier this way

I'm climbing up your walls
So you can watch me fall
I'll never know it all
I'm happier that way

When I die
Will I feel darkness in the light
Will I see beauty when I'm blind
I don't have energy for rest

Because I'm cynically depressed
My youth is dying of apathy and old age
Under my skin is a child running away

When I die
Will I feel darkness in the light
Will I see beauty when I'm blind
I don't have energy for rest
Because I'm cynically depressed