Hissy Fit

Let me rant… I am pms-ing. And f* pissed about it.

Work… sucks. What’s new. My one hell-uva “great” engineer has finally left the building. So less stress there. Sorta. The guy taking over him is quite new to the whole ball-game. Good *uck to him. SCM audit coming soon. That’s what my big boss says. Nid to dig out old archives and put them in order just in case. Got to keep my shit clean, know what I mean? Dang the system, I say.

And one more thing. This bee-yatch joins our department with no technical background and she starts as an Asst Engineer? Engineer my ass, I say. Just cos she grad with a diploma. No offence to dip grads, but she flat out disgraces anyone who graduated, at any level, with a technical accreditation. F* rite? She claims it has always been a dream of her to work in a shipyard. OMG! I nearly laughed out loud in her face. WTF you talking, BITCH? You step on my turf, you dead.

Yeah, I miss my B&J. Nothing else will do. There is no other substitute.

Sometimes I just zone out while sitting on the porcelain throne at the office. I mean, is this all there is to it? So mechanical, so tick-tock-tick-tock clockwork. It sucks. Especially when there are 1001 more exciting things to do. (like making up new B&J flavours)

My brain bits are flying here there everywhere. I just cant seem to keep on a common thread for long. But basically that’s it. I love what I do. Only if people didn’t try to always push me over the edge.

End of this month I’ll be getting a little white package from my boss (he's another one leaving next month.. been expecting it). I wonder what it’ll say. My performance for the next year depends heavily on it.

So till then, I’ll be pissing my anger around.

Oh yeah, sushi is sooooooo passé.

Gimme B&J…. Gimme ginger chocolates. (nice rite, kremps?)

Oh f*, just let me sleep in for a whole day. And letting me get away with it.

When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear.

Mark Twain

To the rescue of a Sakunite

Diana, you wanted recipe for laksa, I heard? I got one, husband swears by it. I don’t have the exact measurements (sort of), but I hope you have mastered the skill of guesstimation.

Laksa Lemak (for a family of 4)
4 ekor ikan kembung – rebus, keep the fish stock, use only the meat, throw the bones
(*)1 fistful of udang kering – soak to remove impurities, then rinse
2 batang serai – dititik
(*)2 biji bawang besar
(*)1 fistful bawang putih
(*)2 sudu besar cili boh
(*)1 teaspoon serbuk kunyit
2 small packs kara santan – you might not need all
salt to taste
mee laksa – celur n set aside
taugeh – celur in hot water, rinsed immed in cold, icy water (retain crunchiness)
taupok – cut diagonally in half
tauhu kecil – cut diagonally in half, goreng basah
fishball
fish cake – goreng basah and sliced, put aside
daun selasih – cut finely, for topping/garninsh
daun kesum – cut finely, for topping/garnish
udang – goreng (marinate w a little kunyit serbuk and salt), for topping/garnish
kerang - goreng (shelled, make sure cleaned well, marinated same as udang), for topping/garnish
cucumber – buang kulit, discard the jantung timun (I think tt’s wat its called), shred the rest.

for sambal :
blend cili boh n some salt to taste, tu je.

step 1 :
blend together all the stuffs marked (*)

step 2 :
add in the kembung flesh and 1 senduk fish stock

step 3 :
panaskan minyak, tumis the blended things

step 4 :
dah mendidih, masukkan taupok & fish balls

step 5 :
masukkan santan

step 6 :
masukkan tahu kecil (last, coz it has been goreng basah earlier)


presentation :
place taugeh n noodles in bowl
put in the gravy and isi-isinya
then arrange the udang, kerang, fish cake, timun, daun-daun on top
add a big dollop of sambal for kicks

switch on the tv, put the fan on max, enjoy your bowl of laksa and sweat it, man!

last month, tried something a little different. swapped the mee laksa with udon noodles. I tell, you… sedap! More filling and satisfying. No regrets on that experimentation.

If all else fails, gimme a call n we can play masak-masak again like old times.
But this time not with grass and pebbles.

Where was I...?

So many things to update… so little brain space to share. So typical of me.

Miss Scatterbrain.

Damn…

System all choked up with drugs to think clearly. Yeah, drugs doing me in. Legal drugs. The kind where if I don’t keep track I’ll be head banging on my desk. Sheesh, enough already.

Went for my checkup again just now. Everything went ok. Except that for a 3pm appt, I only managed to see the neurologist at 3.40pm. mp3, once again, saved the day. Ladida-ladida, after getting my meds, left the hospital a bout 4.45pm.

Footed it to IKEA. What a waste of energy. Practically 2/3 of the place was boarded up for upgrading. *slap forehead* *slap forehead again*.

Duh… upgrading so that new stock can be displayed for the august 2008 season. Duh *slaps forehead. again*. That’s why I got the members sale preview. Duh. Double-duh.

So hopped into a cab, zipped to Paragon.

What I got made me smile from ear to ear… kinda crumbled to my needy wishes… got myself a pair of FitFlops. Apparently the latest thing to hit the footwear fashion department. Not just any flipflop, it is a gym on your soles. Too bad they only carry one model at moment. The one that I want, “Electra” (all sequins and girly) will come in end of august. What the heck, I’ll just order it off the net. Since I know my size already. Got the “Walkstar” in black. Wore it there and then in the shop. My heels… they went into the bag. Actually wanted it in white/red. But I think the black/black looks good. Hey, black always looks good.

FitFlops claim to “…increase calf muscle efforts, and extends the avtivation time of certain muscles (your rectus femoris and gluteus maximus muscles) during every single step.”

So look out for miss bigass with a tighter ass soon. Hehehehehehehehe…..HOK (choked on my own laughter, if that’s possible).

Feeling in the mood to exercise (suddenly), I walked all the way from Paragon to Somerset mrt. Took the train to BoonLay. Standing all the way. No pain in feet. Feeling good. Feeling real good. Then can pound it some more at Jurong Point. Then take the bus home, some more. Legs no pain… very good. Cos I really can’t imagine myself doing all this walking in heels. Sheer suicide.

So now, at 11.45pm, my calves are starting to feel a little sore. Earlier, while flipping thru the FitFlops insert, they said… “…As such, we recommend that the FitFlop be used progressively to avoid excessive muscle soreness.”

Now then they say.

Husband, pass me the muscle rub. I cant move my legs.

Whenever I feel like exercising, I lie down until the feeling passes.

Robert Maynard Hutchins

Mess De Royale

I am a total wreck. I can't seem to think straight anymore. I need to think twice, thrice, or even more before making a decision. Or any decision, for that matter.

This emotional slump is really hitting me hard. No amount of acting or role playing can hide the fact that it’s eating me inside. And leaving just a hollow shell for all the world to see.

I’m spent. My batteries are nearing their expiry dates. All I want to do is just sit in a corner, cry, and eventually die. I just feel neglected. Ignored. By those I thought cared for me.

I just want to call it quits. Pack my bags. Explore the world. See what it has to offer. The grass is always greener on the other side, they say. But you won’t know how green it is until you see it, won’t you?

Scratches of ink on a piece of paper. Maybe, thinking back, it was done in haste. Yes I wanted it, but don’t all people at one point in their lives? I should have followed my gut instincts. I let the sugared dreams cloud my judgments.

Ah, the folly of trying to fit in. The foolishness of doing what is expected.

Sheesh.

This burden, this weight… it’s too heavy to be carried alone. But if it has to be done, it has to be done.

Whatever I tried, it seems to backfire. Nothing I do is right. It has been one left turn after another.

Will the next decision I make be the one to finally break this vicious cycle?

Enough, snap out of it, pessimistic prick. Still got a pulse. Be thankful.

Just to break the black mood… watch this clip. I never thought I could laugh so hard.

Alone

Can someone please give me a hug? It's been ages since someone... anyone... has given me a hug.

Whatever.

Even a half-hearted hug will do.

Pleeeaaaaasssseeeeeee.

Empty.

Emotionally empty.

My thoughts don't matter no more. My opinions don't count no more.

Invisible.

Unloved.

But He's there. Right?

Unconditional.

I get so exhausted trying to make everyone happy that I forget about my own happiness. Enough of all the acting and pretending.

I'll just cry and cry and cry these silent tears until I start to laugh at myself.

Yeah,

I know.

Sounds loopy.

Maybe I am.

33.

wtf have I been doing all my life? I am at a junction in my life where I just don't know where I am heading. Or where I have been.

So many things unachieved. So many dreams not realised.

So sad.

So freaking sad.

So please.

I need a hug. And someone... anyone... telling me that it will be ok tomoro.

Even tho it's one big fucking lie.


Cynically Depressed

I'm full of emptiness
Relaxing with my stress
Don't try to clean my mess
I'm happier this way

I live for my demise
I love who I despise
Feed me a soothing lie
I'm happier that way

When I die
Will I feel darkness in the light
Will I see beauty when I'm blind
I don't have energy for rest
Because I'm cynically depressed

I never thought living clean
Would keep me so lonely
Cure my healthy disease
I'm happier this way

I'm climbing up your walls
So you can watch me fall
I'll never know it all
I'm happier that way

When I die
Will I feel darkness in the light
Will I see beauty when I'm blind
I don't have energy for rest

Because I'm cynically depressed
My youth is dying of apathy and old age
Under my skin is a child running away

When I die
Will I feel darkness in the light
Will I see beauty when I'm blind
I don't have energy for rest
Because I'm cynically depressed

Was just about to log off the net, but You-Tube was making a last minute call. Didn't disappoint me.

Enjoy.



Yeah, I have a bloody corny sense of humour.

Me and My Big Mouth

Yep. I got the attack of the damn irritating cough and sore throat. So bad I felt like reaching in and really giving my throat a damn good scratch. Like how a dog thumps its’ tail when you give it a good scratch behind the ears. I mean, you get the picture.

I have been hacking my throat out since last week, and haven’t really got the energy to do anything else except zone out from the medications. Hey, wait-a-minute, I have been zoning out even without the help of the meds. Heheh, I guess I was more spaced out, then.

The kids thought it was hilarious that mummy dearest lost her voice. So they pretty much tried to ruled the roost. The operative word being tried. Cos I would ultimately catch up with them, and in my raspiest voice, give them a piece of my mind. Didn’t work much, coz half the time while disciplining, I was hacking my lungs out till I was teary.

To make matters worse, I started to leak. No shame in it. I admit it. Kegel didn’t really work for me. Took too much effort. Heh. Dammit! I felt so handicapped! Everytime I wanted to let out a big cough, I have to make sure I am seated. You get what I mean, girls.

And I tell you, nothing brings on a migraine attack like a bad coughing session! I felt like the left side of my head was held in a tight hold. Like being held in a vice-like grip. It took all of my self control to walk in a straight line and not be seen like a drunk. Cos for me, when it hits really, really bad, I have to be guided by walls to get around.

But…

That didn’t stop me from hauling the kids to the Night Safari last Friday. I know, very irresponsible of me. But what the heck. I had fun. They had fun. That’s what matters most. And the most important point of it all, they were totally bushed after the trip, they fell asleep like angels. No pillowfights, no arguments over who gets which pillows or which bed to sleep on. Oh yeah, the small one can be quite feisty. And a sneaky fighter.

And I loaded my system with the necessary drugs and got knocked out until nearly 10.30am the next day.

Serves me right. But I deserve it.

Even when I'm sick and depressed, I love life.

Arthur Rubinstein